The 'No'Mo is having me for dinner tonight
by slay-bells
Summary: Everyone's favorite queercore band are recording an EP, but Nick and Norah have their first fall-out. Horror, anguish, drama and dick jokes ensue, in this tale of love, loss and music.
1. Norah

1. Norah

"Hey, I know this is going to sound strange, but would you mind being our singer for the next five minutes?"

What did he just say?

For God's sake, can Dev arrive to band practise on time for once? Every time I tag along with Nick to his band practise, I regret it. It's in Thom's bedroom/parent's basement. There aren't any windows, just a single bulb swinging from the ceiling, which I never fail to hit with my head when I forget that the room is only 6 ft high.

Thom speaks up, "Yeah, Dev just text me saying he can't come yet. Now, no sex jokes intended, but he has _never_ come on time."

"It's not hard. All our songs are about fucking men anyway, you should be a pro." said Nick- the only boyfriend I've ever had.

I beat him with the pillow I had wrapped around my torso, and said "fuck you" with every beat.

I snatched the lyric sheet up. I cannot believe I'm about to sing for a queercore band. Oh God.

Thom reached over the guitar in his lap and pointed to a line in small, nigh-illegible handwriting, "You need to growl this line."

"What does it even say?" Jesus, I'm not even sure if I wanted an answer.

This takes Nick's attention away from the tuner he was trying to set to 'bass'. He cleared his throat then said without hestation, "I'm gonna ram you."

_Sigh._

"Roll the 'r' like Morrissey did in 'A Rush And a Push', but as if he ate red meat...and...y'know. Did guys."

"I hear ya', No-Mo."


	2. Nick

2. _Nick_

Thom was the first to speak: "Girl. your voice is... sensational."

"Shut up, numb nuts."

"You know your words? They hurt."

They both laughed. At least, I think they did. I was just gazing into Norah's eyes. Norah's perfect eyes; on her perfect face; with her perfect mouth; with her perfect voice. Ugh. She's killing me. Everything around her face just blurred out and she was all that was left... until her phone rang and I was snapped out of my mind palace and into reality, by the opening bass line of 'Last of the American Girls'.

She answered and rolled her eyes at me. It was her dad. She dragged herself from the bed and walked out the room, then Thom nudged my arm.

"Can we have Norah replace Dev? She's fantastic! You didn't tell me she could sing!"

"I didn't know!" I said, holding my hands up, and really, that was the truth.

It had been a month since that night we first met, and yeah, sure, we'd sing along to my mixtapes in the car and stuff, but I never really thought anything of it until she was growling sexual obscenities at me. Wow, being surrounded by hyper-horny-queers really has an effect on you.

Norah walked back in, tucking her phone into the back pocket of her blue boyfriend jeans.

"So my dad's dropped this hip-hop-ass-crack-act, because they- I don't know- broke a goddamn _bowl_ at one of his label parties or whatever. And so the studio's free for the next month. He wants to know if my 'non-homo-boyfriend's-homo-band' want to record an EP or something. You guys interested?"

Thom cried.

"You mean for real?" he knelt with his elbows at his stomach and his fists covering his cheeks.

"Aw, baby! Would I lie to you?" Norah slid down next to me and rested her head on my shoulder, "What d'ya think Nick?" she asked, tracing the veins in my arm with her forefinger, she gazed up at me with those perfect blue eyes. I shook my head abruptly to stop from phasing out again.

"Yeah. Sure. Uh-huh. I'm up for it."

"Then it's set!" Thom needed to calm his tits. "Oh, Norah, your dad is a _star!_"

"Well, if you say s-"

"I'll call Dev now! O-M-G this is huge!" he snatched up his phone from the nightstand- falling gracelessly off the bed. As he punched in our absentee-singer's number, me and Norah cuddled. I had to return the favour in some way- not just for the EP thing, but for being my girlfriend and putting up with my gay-as-folk band mates.

I pulled away and slid her dark brown hair behind her ear, "Hey, after this, how would you like to go to the Infinity Hotel for one swanky-ass meal?"

She looked a bit puzzled, and rightly so, I've only ever been known to eat pizza, so this was definitely a surprise.

"The Infinity Hotel? Hells yeah! What's the occasion? You're not dying are you?"

"I just thought it'd be nice, y'know."

She let out a little sqeal and pulled me in for a huge hug attack.

On the other side of the room, Thom was holding the phone at arms length away from his ear- our singer was screaming down the phone. At this, I couldn't help but laugh like a lunatic, but just as Thom brought the phone back to his ear, car horns blasted out the tiny Nokia followed by frantic shouts of "Oh God! I am _so_ sorry!"

'Bastard crashed the van again.


	3. Nick ch3

"Wow. This really _is_ swanky."

We were sat at a tiny table for two in the restaurant of the Infinty Hotel. If I'm being honest, it was an overly pretentious place. There were great big chandeliers all over the fucking ceiling, and plastic potted plants lining the walls. The waiters looked like art school drop-outs, and you could tell that between serving meals, they hung outside by the dumpsters to smoke weed.

"Yeah, well. You sang 'Up Fuck' today, so this the _least_ you deserve for your efforts."

"Awww." said Norah, we were holding hands and she began to stroke the back of my hand with her thumb, "This is very nice of you."

"Just get ready to run before the bill comes, okay?" We grinned at each other and the old couple next to us gave us a judgmental look up and down. "Ready to order, my love?" I asked, in my faux-English accent.

"Indeed." She was so into this.

I snapped my fingers and a girl with mousy brown hair tied up in a loose bun, dragged herself over to our table. She said, in the most monotonous voice ever "What'll it be?"

This isn't McDonalds, lady.

"Two steak platters please."

"Great choice Sir."

She walked away without even writing it down. Bitch.

Norah clearerd her throat, "Steak huh?"

"Uh, yeah. You don't mind do you?"

"No, no. Just... it's fine."

"Alright then."

Eventually the girl came back and slammed our meals infront of us, then walked away without a word.

The steak was fucking delicious, done just the way I like it. Norah kinda picked at it and left a lot. She mustn't have been that hungry.

"I'll see you tomorrow, at the studio, yeah?"

"Mmm? Yeah. Night Nick."

She gave me a light peck on the lips then walked away. I watched her walk down the street until she turned a corner.

Tomorrow's gonna be a good day.


	4. Norah ch4

4. Norah

As I stormed down the street away from Nick, and away from our bomb-shell of a date, awful thoughts began to run rabid through my mind.

Is he honestly, and seriously unaware of my vegetarianism? Has he never noticed how I always choose tofu whenever we go on our bi-weekly lunch dates? I don't eat it for the taste, dickwad, that shit is horrible.

Let's be honest, that is not really what I'm upset over.

It's not that he might not know me that well- that's excusable, we havn't been dating all too long. But does he not want to know me that well? ...Is he only dating me because of my dad?

The fire raging in my chest is balanced out by a strong gust of cold wind which feels like a slap to the face. It says: "Why didn't you realise this sooner, idiot." I should catch a cab, I need to relax, if only for the 5 minutes it would take to drive me home.

I raise my arm above my head and lead out into the road to catch some attention. As I do, I remember last time I did this. I was angry at Nick, and I called Tal. That was before I knew all he wanted me for was to get to me dad. I thought my five-minute-boyfriend would be different. Turns out I was wrong.

A cab pulls up and a jump inside, and let out a sign of relief when I feel the warmth rush over me. I instruct my five-minute-chaufer where to go and sit back and exhale.

Tomorrow is going to be an awful day.


End file.
